The Fork In The Road
by IrisElric-HalfMetalAlchemist
Summary: "Once upon a time, there was a foolish man who faced a fork in the road and took the one less traveled, which was filled with many monsters and robbers, who guarded a treasure very carefully, and they killed the foolish man." REMADE BY SAMIAMNOT
1. Chapter 1

**TER ALL MEH BELOVED READERZZZZZ!**

**I'm sorry I haven't been doing so well. I act on spur of the moment ideas, so I haven't been thinking straight. But the academic system has freed me from all responsibility and now I am here to make up for past crappy (Read: all) fanfics and to try again!**

**I'll be balancing this baby with **_**Of Blindness, Bandages, And Alchemy**_**, but I take all support form your feedback, so if you say I must present myself to Grell in a baby blue outfit armed with a handkerchief tied around my neck and a sign that says 'I love Sebastian', I'll gladly accept it. **

**Before anything else, this is only a test run. Tell me if you guys wanna turn it into a series.**

**So Close**

Today.

Is.

So.

Damn.

Horrible.

The Guardians almost blew my fucking cover.

Before that, I laid two _eggs_ while I went to dreamland. EGGS, dammit!

And before that, Kuma – my _older by a month_ brother – rigged my alarm clock.

And that was _after_ someone managed to half-ass my mix tapes and CDs.

What a spectacular day! (Read: I am seriously pissed off right now.)

I have to KILL someone before someone kills me.

School was long out, and I had to get home ASAP because I was the Poor Sucker – A.K.A. the overall servant of the house for the next twenty-four hours. I even have to tuck my twenty-five-year-old-brother and read him a bedtime story (only by request, though) and even do all homework to keep up geekish appearances. IT'S NINE FUCKING O'CLOCK!

Truth be told, I just look like a geek for show.

I really just get pissed off a lot and that attracts attention. My family and I participate in numerous dance competitions ever since the day I could stand.

It got really tiring after a fanboy went so far as to fucking crawl into my older sister Micah's shower, and, well, up to this day, she walks in the shower with an iron bar. (She's engaged now. Thomas, her childhood sweetheart, proposed before we left for Japan.)

You heard me. I'm in Japan, Land Of The Rising Sun.

But let's deviate from that a bit.

I. Am. Currently. In. An. Orange. And. Black. Hard-rock. Outfit.

And there's a cat-boy watching me.

You heard me. CAT-boy. He's got cat ears, and a _tail_ to boot.

He watches as numerous orange sparkles flit off me and disappear into the night air.

And, of course, like the confused little sixth-grader I am, all that can be possibly articulated is:

"What the hell?"

Let's assess the damage, shall we?

I'm wearing a leather spike collar choker with matching bracelets. There's a leather zip-up sleeveless vest, and tiny, itty-bitty black boy shorts.

My hair is gelled and the pin-up wig is totally gone. My black hair is just tossed around and shot through with more orange in addition to the white strand in front of my face.

I decided:

Dispose of the witness FAST.

Only one thing was stopping me.

No weapon on hand.

_Crap. Gotta dispose of all known evidence, NOW!_ I tell myself. I don't want to expose the entire Samson family to the public and be the next victim of the could-be sport fanboy shower-hopping.

_Then use your mad guitar skillz, yo!_ I hear from…_within _me? Am I dreaming again?

If so, this is a trippy dream.

_HOW?_ I mentally scream, hoping for Eerie Voice to pick up the damn phone.

_Leave it to me, bandmate! _Eerie Voice replied.

Almost immediately a bass guitar appears in my hand. Orange and black, same color scheme I've got.

"O…kay, what now?"

Well, I could use this thing to jog Cat Boy's memory. Yeah, that should work.

A maniacal grin spreads on my face. If that doesn't make him shut up, then the guitar will.

Worst mistake _ever_.

My eyes make contact with his. I completely shut down. His hair is a dark blue, same as his eyes. I don't know what happens, but whatever I see in his eyes makes me want to put a hand over mine.

"Samson Reagan was it?" He says. Okay, now the deal was sealed. I was love shot.

In the words of the awesomest talk show host ever, "I can feel (insert person's name here) undressing you with his/her eyes."

Yeah. Ellen Degeneres describes this moment perfectly.

But _that_ time it was on American Idol.

_This_ time it's happening. For real.

And I committed Worst Mistake Ever # 2 without knowing.

I was falling.

No, not the lovey-dovey variety, where I see a cute boy and – poof! – instant crush.

I'm seriously falling backwards.

And as soon as I gain some semblance of stillness, I open my eyes. Strangely, I see the moon before I see Cat Boy's blue eyes. I look again at the moon, feeling the blood that that rallied up to my face.

_What gives, bandmate?_ Eerie Voice says. _I thought you were gonna bash his family jewels in!_

Sense jolts back into me as soon as I feel warm breath on my neck. "You've got the scent."

"Oh, damn it!" I curse, aiming a kick at Cat boy's face. Glad the shorts aren't leather, either. He avoids the attack, jumping to a farther position.

He smirks at me.

A tinier Cat Boy floats into view, carrying the pinstripe egg _I_ owned.

"Ikuto! I got the egg, ~Nya!" Its tiny, diminutive voice yells.

Alright, now Cat Boy has a name. Ikuto, huh? Well, it's only fair. He knows my full name.

Then the reality of it all hit me like a bullet to the chest.

Tiny Cat Boy had my egg.

Ikuto knows my full name.

I am less than a hair close to being swarmed by the media.

But first things first. They are jacking my eggs!

…I think that sounded perverted just now.

"Who are you?" I yelled, letting at least a fraction of my anger out. Okay, maybe…all of it at once. I'm completely pissed off right now.

"Just a little alley cat wanting some attention."

"Well, go piss off someone else!"

_Atta girl, bandmate! __Show 'im we take no prisoners!_ And as Eerie Voice says so, I remember the guitar left abandoned on the grass beside me.

I watch him very carefully, steering clear off Ikuto's eyes and crotch. I need to make sure he doesn't get the drop on me.

And a chain of events happen:

I grab hold of the guitar's neck.

I lose sight of Ikuto as soon as I relish my moment of triumph.

I attempt a baseball swing – and send something flying.

I fall flat on my ass.

_Wow, bandmate, you sure can give them a hit! Pun not needed or intended!_

Itty-Bitty Cat Boy flits up to the K.O'D Ikuto."Ikuto!"

In Itty-Bitty Cat Boy's moment of weakness, I snatch my pinstripe egg back.

"Hey!" Itty-Bitty Cat Boy shouts. "We stole that first!"

"Well, I owned this to begin with, so taste defeat which I have so well dished out on you!" I retort, wishing to retort the 'finger' at the two Cat Boys.

At that moment, I lose the wild, strong energy that allowed my anger to roam free and I see my new attire revert back to my Seiyo Academy Uniform.

A tiny person wearing orange and black floats up to my face,

"Pretty good, bandmate! But now I know you really go for the tall, dark, and handsome types!" I blush at her observation. "Anyway, name's Roxy! High five!"

Of course. She looks like a person fit for entertaining hard rock fans on a stage in the desert. I oblige with the high five very gently. I very much enjoy her carefree but devious smile.

"Hey, Roxy?"

"Yeah?"

BANG!

Roxy drops to the ground, her head smoking. I'll have to pick her back up later. I saunter forward, balling my hand into a fist in case of emergency.

Ikuto's still conscious, but I don't know for how long. I thank slacking off for this. I could've killed him if I had still practiced fighting.

Could've.

Sure hope he knows how and why this just happened to me.

"Hey," I say, gripping his collar in a manner that I don't think was very comfortable for the receiving end of the pain. "What the hell is going on here?"

"You put him down ~ Nya!" Tiny Cat Boy pipes up. Though he's giving me a bold response, he's hiding behind Ikuto's arm.

"I will if I find out what's happening."

"Leave him out of this."

I turn back to the conquered-by-a-guitar Ikuto. "Glad you survived. Now, unless you want to replay your saddening defeat, I suggest you tell me something about this now."

"Twenty questions, then?"

"I'll handle anything as long as it doesn't involve you getting the drop on me again."

He smiles. I take it as my cue to begin. I take a deep breath. I believe I be staying here for some answers a while longer. "How do you know my name?"

"The Guardians were taking extra precautions for you, and my curiosity instantly peaked. I just tricked the information out of the Kiddy King."

"Why did you find me so interesting?"

"You make a perfect toy."

"For what?" I nearly growled. I didn't know that pigheaded men had nerd girl fetishes from time to time.

"My amusement, for lack of a better word." he says. As soon as he says that, I find his hand below my chin and our foreheads are touching.

TOUCHING, I say!

And that is why I left the man with a roll of bandages, possible hemorrhage, broken ribs, and a very displeased Itty Bitty Cat Boy.

I carefully pick up Roxy and the rest of my belongings. The pinstripe egg goes back in its makeshift house: a cardboard box filled with soft handkerchiefs. "That fucker's gonna die someday..." I console myself.

And so begins the stupid adventure that would lead me even closer to the fork in the road.

"Come on Roxy. It's lasagna night and dinner's on me."


	2. Chapter 2

'**Ello 'ello there beautiful people!**

**I'm back!**

**Okay, seriously, I'm trying to regain my bearings for **_**Of Blindness, Bandages, and Alchemy,**_** but it's harder than hell to do so. I'm also caught up in trying to do a crossover fic (for **_**Soul Eater**_** and **_**Young Justice**_**) and a Bleach fic wherein a third (or a fourth) of the male Bleach is kidnapped single-handedly and tortured while waiting for their person who ordered them kidnapped. **

**My life's a total mess.**

**Yeah, just tell me what you want done, and send some reviews for my spelling and grammar, 'cause I don't watch my writing. **

**Chapter 2**

**Attention: We are now screwed.**

"…And that is why and how Little Pinstripe and I got here!" Roxy says, wincing a bit as I put a band-aid above her head.

I'm finally home. Everyone's tucked in (yes, everyone _made_ me tuck them in), I did good with making lasagna before that, and I kept completely quiet about all the crap that happened on school grounds (AKA the Cat Boys).

We've taken to calling the other egg Little Pinstripe, since the egg looks like it's suited up. Please ignore the _How I Met Your Mother_ reference. (Roxy's egg is decorated with all kinds of musical notes.)

"Thanks for the enlightenment, Roxy. I appreciate it."

"Well, you did get Little Pinstripe Back."

"That reminds me. When will she hatch?"

"Depends. When you'll really need her's my guess."

"Alright." I say as she flies to the bedside table, where the makeshift box house for the eggs is. "Get up early tomorrow, okay? We'll have to talk to the Guardians about this."

"About what?" She says, her egg appearing.

Before I open my mouth, someone beats me to the punch.

"Because she's running from me."

I crane my head around slowly. Emphasis on slowly. I beg, whine and cry for Big Man Upstairs for this to be a trick or my imagination. Preferably any of the two, as long as it's not what I was thinking.

It's my turn to wince. "Shit."

And lo and behold, there was Ikuto. And Itty-Bitty Cat Boy.

If I were a bit more fainthearted, I would've pissed my life out. Or screamed and borrowed Micah's metal bar a ways down the hall. Or just stay there, color failured and all.

"Angry Girl, my name's Yoru, nya! Where's the other egg?"

I just stared, like a deer caught in the headlights. And try to ignore Yoru's new pet name for me.

"…Roxy?" I whimpered.

"Got you covered!" She yells, flying up to me.

"You look so hot in your nightwear." I hear Ikuto say. As I focus on him, I find him on my bed, arms spread out, like he was about to create a snow angel.

While I accept the compliment, I remember that I am wearing white boy shorts and a white sleeveless shirt. Both are practically see-through. And to the bigger dilemma: _he's_ on _my_ bed.

Before I do anything else, I hop out of the bed and check the hall. The boys – particularly Kuma – are and _have_ been known to wake one lucky girl in the middle of the night.

_There is no way in hell I'm gonna let them see Ikuto.__ Not on anyone's life._

The hallway's too dark. I can't see anything. I put the side of my head to the wall. Nothing. I put my head to the wooden floor. Nothing.

"All clear." I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Clear of what?" I hear Ikuto from directly above me.

"It's dark out here, ~ nya!"

"Back in, jerkasses." I thumb my bedroom. I don't hear any reply, but I hear footsteps across the floor. I get up, and close the door with a last suspicious glance.

I sigh a mushroom cloud of relief.

"Well?" Roxy says; ready to bat both Cat Boys out of the house if necessary.

But kicking them out isn't necessary, to my disgust, because IT. IS. THE. FRIGGIN. MIDDLE. OF. THE. NIGHT.

The sooner a noise alerts the family, the sooner the house will be flooded with softball bats (the metal-ish, painful kind), rifles, metal railings ripped from who-knows-where, and the occasional dynamite stick.

Yes. My family is that extreme. (You should see them while they are in performance mode. Not a pretty sight. That is why there are no kids who are our fans.)

"I'm sorry, but that is a no-no. Any more and the family would be upon the room like bloodthirsty terrorists fresh off the Middle East." I say. "Even if he did the most outrageous thing in his life within a five-mile radius of this room, I would crack no shit over it and just hope I fall asleep."

"So if I sexually harassed you, you'd just try to ignore it?" Ikuto says.

As a follow-up, Itty-Bitty Cat Boy

"More or less, but I'd repay you someday." I reply, then adding as an afterthought, "And by someday, any day I'm within striking distance of you and not in any way close to the family."

"So he can totally snog you and get away with it?" Roxy pipes up.

I can feel the blood in my head. I try to open my mouth to say something, but color me stumped.

I did not plan for him doing makeout sessions.

Hell, I did not plan for eggs to present themselves on my bed, my master works killed dead, Guardians to kill my chances of sublime happiness, Cat Boys to proclaim their fucked-up tastes in girls, and one of the eggs to hatch and bring out a Guardian Character.

I did not plan for twenty-four hours of my life.

And this plan (Read: my LIFE) was the awesomest Xanatos Gambit I ever thought of.

I fall, defeated, on my bed.

"What? What? What did I say?" I hear Roxy say.

I moan quietly in the comfort of the pillow. I cannot cry, dammit!

"So you're saying, I can do this –" he puts emphasis on the word this "- and you wouldn't even so much as threaten me?"

"What do you mean by –" I freeze mid sentence. He was straddling me. "Aw, hell."

"Well?"

"What?"

"Aren't you going to do something about this?"

"Oh, dearest Ikuto. You have no idea how much I want to kill you."

"Oi, Reagan, you're moving off track! First it's holding hands, then hugging, then kissing, then sweet, lemony goodness, then media swarming, then pressure on the couple, then breakup, and a angsty, or sad song to boot!" Roxy floats around beside me, not noticing – or probably ignoring – the fact that I _may_ be impregnated by this fuckass retard and end up having cats for kids.

Or half and a half,

Who cares? 

In the words of the cutest smosh star ever while taking a bath, (Read: Charlie The Drunk Guinea Pig)

GET ME OUTTA HERE! GET ME OUTTA HERE!

[Somewhere in Ian and Anthony's house, and for some reason, Charlie sneezes.]

[Charlie: What the hell happened you poofs?]

[Anthony: I dunno Charlie…you were the one that sneezed.]

[Ian: Some great fanfiction writer out there must be giving us a cameo in his – or her – story!]

[Charlie: Oh? Well I've got this to say: (cue censoring beep) you you little saucy poof!]

"Roxy, I will kick your ass."

She floats there for a while, and then, looks at Ikuto, then me, then Ikuto, then…

Goes into a laughing fit?

And she takes the laughing fit into her egg, where the laugh-a-thon ceases.

Worst. Day. Ever.

I sigh. "Please get the hell off me. Right now."

"No. Too sleepy." he replies, and as he says so, he yawns, and falls on top of me.

I REALLY want to kill him right now.

"Hey! What the -! Get off!" I try to say in his ear, but my pleas go unheeded. Ikuto's snoring.

On my bed.

On top of me.

God I had a lot of morons' heads to break in the morning. (Yoru counted as well; he was fast asleep next to my eggs' box. Weird, that almost sounded like Xbox.)


End file.
